it's about time
wow... my blogging is rather pathetic. i so enjoy reading others' blogs, yet just cannot seem to find the words to say here. i'm sitting here at my desk tonight, listening to norah jones... she's so relaxing. puts me in a reflective mood...
i guess as of late, there has been a lot upon my mind. tomorrow brings january to a close, which is lovely since february is a much more pleasant month. it's nice and short, with many things to look forward to. i'll turn 20 - which a certain someone reminded me means that likely a quarter of my life is over. and in just that much time again, i'll be 40. my mind raced when he said this, as i began to think of what i've always pictured in my life at 40... i'll have a husband and some children, i'll be running a home, perhaps managing a career as well, hopefully being engaged in a form of church ministry... a sick feeling came over me. "all this is going to happen in another short 20 years?!" i thought. a lot has happened in the years of my life so far, but when i look back it feels as though they've gone very quickly. other than getting my degree for that potential career, right now it doesn't seem as if i'm doing anything to really prepare myself appropriately for all that the next 20 years is likely to consist of. that is frightening. what can i say? the "big picture" right now scares me. maybe that i why i've recently only been thinking for the moment...
yeah, lately i'm just focused on getting through this semester. i've got 17 credits - mostly psych, which has proved to be both good and bad so far. much of the material overlaps, which makes studying easier, but also gives me the dangerous opportunity to believe it's not quite as necessary to work so diligently. this coming week includes 3 tests, a quiz, and a paper due - so that will be interesting. i've caught myself counting the weeks already, and planning all my trips home. pullman does not hold the same appeal it did last year, and i have really struggled with being here. it's not wsu - the college itself is fine, and my classes i do not dread - it's just this funny little town. i miss the comfort and familiarity of kent and the surrounding areas. yet i'm here for a reason, and will tough it out... hopefully it won't be quite this tough, however, since i'll only be halfway done. time will tell... i'll get out of this little funk at some point. : )
let's see... what else...
i'm completely overwhelmed by God's grace each and every moment i give it thought. i deserve nothing. nothing at all but death, suffering, and judgment. yet i can be sure of His love and forgiveness daily. why is it that i allow my stubbornness to overtake me? i feel so incredibly foolish. thanks to Him for such grace.
my life really has changed a great deal in the recent weeks and months. i've become surprisingly aware of many truths and felt many new emotions. in some respects i feel like a whole new and very different person. john mayer's song "why georgia" and the line "it might be a quarter life crisis" comes to mind. yes, i would call it that. it goes along perfectly with my fears about turning 20 and facing all that's to come. that said, i guess i must embrace this new me and cling to that silly-sounding-but-oh-so-true belief that everything happens for a reason.
well, i guess that about wraps up this post. i promise it won't be like 6 weeks until you get another one, though! really. take care, y'all...
i guess as of late, there has been a lot upon my mind. tomorrow brings january to a close, which is lovely since february is a much more pleasant month. it's nice and short, with many things to look forward to. i'll turn 20 - which a certain someone reminded me means that likely a quarter of my life is over. and in just that much time again, i'll be 40. my mind raced when he said this, as i began to think of what i've always pictured in my life at 40... i'll have a husband and some children, i'll be running a home, perhaps managing a career as well, hopefully being engaged in a form of church ministry... a sick feeling came over me. "all this is going to happen in another short 20 years?!" i thought. a lot has happened in the years of my life so far, but when i look back it feels as though they've gone very quickly. other than getting my degree for that potential career, right now it doesn't seem as if i'm doing anything to really prepare myself appropriately for all that the next 20 years is likely to consist of. that is frightening. what can i say? the "big picture" right now scares me. maybe that i why i've recently only been thinking for the moment...
yeah, lately i'm just focused on getting through this semester. i've got 17 credits - mostly psych, which has proved to be both good and bad so far. much of the material overlaps, which makes studying easier, but also gives me the dangerous opportunity to believe it's not quite as necessary to work so diligently. this coming week includes 3 tests, a quiz, and a paper due - so that will be interesting. i've caught myself counting the weeks already, and planning all my trips home. pullman does not hold the same appeal it did last year, and i have really struggled with being here. it's not wsu - the college itself is fine, and my classes i do not dread - it's just this funny little town. i miss the comfort and familiarity of kent and the surrounding areas. yet i'm here for a reason, and will tough it out... hopefully it won't be quite this tough, however, since i'll only be halfway done. time will tell... i'll get out of this little funk at some point. : )
let's see... what else...
i'm completely overwhelmed by God's grace each and every moment i give it thought. i deserve nothing. nothing at all but death, suffering, and judgment. yet i can be sure of His love and forgiveness daily. why is it that i allow my stubbornness to overtake me? i feel so incredibly foolish. thanks to Him for such grace.
my life really has changed a great deal in the recent weeks and months. i've become surprisingly aware of many truths and felt many new emotions. in some respects i feel like a whole new and very different person. john mayer's song "why georgia" and the line "it might be a quarter life crisis" comes to mind. yes, i would call it that. it goes along perfectly with my fears about turning 20 and facing all that's to come. that said, i guess i must embrace this new me and cling to that silly-sounding-but-oh-so-true belief that everything happens for a reason.
well, i guess that about wraps up this post. i promise it won't be like 6 weeks until you get another one, though! really. take care, y'all...
2 Comments:
At 2:03 PM,
Ryan said…
Yay for updating. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a little more optomistic about the Pullman situation. You're going to do great no matter where you are. And thanks for the letter in the mail the other day. It made me feel very loved. =)
At 5:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
Ica Dear -
Oh, man. Listening to Norah, lamenting not only over a certain nicknamed someone, but also over the up-and-coming month. A month that brings chocolate, love, spring break, and worst of all: 11.59p on the 13th and 14th. If only we could be together! We'd never remember the experience (because we'd take our Christmas Break memories to the extreme), maybe parts of it, but even so I'm positive that we would have a blast...uh...SCORING!
Apparently broken hearts are a part of God's master plan. I don't know how, but I trust that they fit in somehow. Can nuns drink wine? If so, let's do it. France has a ton of cathedrals, churches, and sacred places. We would never have to go through this again! Well, as fun as that may sound, I can't honestly see you decked-out in a rosary and habit. Sorry. Ha! I'd be the rebel-nun wearing Nine West heels and Victoria's Secret under it all. I know you're laughing now...see we can still have fun even with all this. There is hope!
The countdown has begun; the last days with official excuses. Take this time to think back on those many, many years (sorry, had to) and see what God has let you experience (wink, wink). No, honestly, find yourself, remember Jessica. Not Jessica since the HV equivalent, but the beautiful, amazing Urchin I've come to know and love.
We're in this together!
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